Me: Ok. That book was something (Tiffany Haddish, The Last Black Unicorn). I just got done reading and it made me think my life is empty. And heading emptily still. People lived lives and experiences. And are still. Wow.
Him: Are you not living life too?
Me: This safe haven? No. Feels like I’m just passing time to be a solution to someone’s problem. The solution that requires God keeping me squeaky clean. And proper. Controversial-less. Scandal free and all ways boring.
Him: What do you want to do, if you didn’t have those restrictions?
Me: Honestly I don’t know. I currently have no restrictions. I can do whatever. Elope with some man. Become a sugar baby. Cohabit with someone, make nasty and all kinds of dirty. All those options have come, very well in fact. But it’s not me.
See. I was with a friend yesterday. I got to his place after watching Ralph Breaks The Internet at the cinema alone. It was so interesting I couldn’t go home by myself just like that. I had to get to someone to share my joy, you get. It was a Sunday morning. One of those days I didn’t feel up to church.
I was at his place. We were chilling. He’s alright. And then his boss called and gifted him with a live chicken, but my friend needed to drive over to a location to get the chicken. So we chilled a bit. The chicken could wait.
Then he wanted to do some weed
He’s good people and all. He has his weed in some empty Xiaomi white box package. Where his slender Bluetooth speaker was packed from.
Right on his dresser. It made me laugh.
He thought that was the least conspicuous place to stash his weed. The first place I opened when I got to the room. Just because.
The white box package was pretty. And its Xiaomi. You don’t see lots of Xiaomi products around. So when you see one, you gotta examine it, you get.
Dude thought I was tripping. But it’s true. It’s the wrongest place to hide a large chunk of weed.
He excused himself to the bathroom, like a gentleman. To smoke the weed. He took some excuse from me, and I was like, “Oh sure. Go ahead” “Oh, no, I’ll pass. You go ahead”. He felt he had to offer his guest a share of his weed.
He’ll come to my house, walk up to my balcony and tell me how it is perfect for weeding. The ideal ambiance. He’ll openly wish he had a nice balcony.
Like he’s asking permission to bring his weed up in there. And if he were direct, I could pass it and still wouldn’t co-weed. But you know, he a gentleman. He gotta ask politely for that shot.
Him: Then there’s the way you relate to people too, do people see you as missy goody shoes
For example, your friend that won’t come out directly to say he wants to smoke in your balcony because he probably doesn’t know what you’ll say
Me: I’m the most approachable person you could meet. Everyone says that. I got a lot of secrets about a lot of people. People share a lot when they’re comfortable around you, I’ve learnt.
Firstly why don’t you do those things then, is it because you don’t want to?
Me: I guess. I’ve smoked before, weeded before too. It just doesn’t appeal to me. Just like I don’t get the appeal of epic movies or football games. I can sit through them, but it’s just bleh for me. Between you and me, I just see white pictures in motion. But I can sit through the entire ordeal with no visible struggle or show of boredom.
No one would want to go to the cinemas with me to watch Ralph Breaks The Internet and enjoy it. I didn’t ask anyone, but it’s not the first time something similar has ensued.
Because, in their words, “How can you watch cartoon in a movie cinema?” So I don’t even bother anymore. I’ll walk in there and see the beauty myself.
Yesterday at the cinema, I was so excited I was the only one at the theater, at first. I went to the center seat. Pulled my legs out on the seat in front omg. I just knew I was right where I loved to be. No lie.
Him: It seems to me that you’re living your best life already. I don’t think I do what I want to do most times
Me: Well, I don’t do what I wish to do most times though. Sometimes I have to work up the courage. And it takes quite a lot of time, and energy most times. So like, I end up doing them in my mind. Or making up dreams in my head. I shame myself for those days.
Him: You don’t have to do what people consider cool tbh
Me: Well. Like I just got a text now, about some fancy dinner after work tomorrow. They said 6 pm.
I’m sure they all know I’ll be absenter. I don’t know how they say that thing. Absenter
Because if I go, I’ll be all reserved and smiling too hard making my face look contoured. Being real observant and contributing poorly. Self-conscious and pretty much a pain in the ass.
So I’ve learned that group hangouts ain’t my thing. And it’s good when you know some things about yourself early, you save yourself some torture and pain
Him: Why feel that way?
Me: people are just people.
Him: I think if you’re happier not attending something than you are when you attend and you don’t go, then you already won
Me: Not really. Sometimes some people need to leave their comfort zone to see if they have a “comforter” zone, I believe. They have to do the work to make it happen. It won’t fall on their heads and they learn they enjoy this other thing as much as their space. Another interesting beauty added to life, an extra reason for joy.
And when they try and it doesn’t work that way, then they know it ain’t for them. Their zone is absolute. But how do you know if you never check it out?
Just like this babe telling me she wouldn’t like sushi. And I’m like, “Oh, you’ve tried it before. Omg how does it taste”. And she’s like she’s never had it. But she knows she wouldn’t like it.
When people say stuff like that. It makes me think they’re just ignorant and unintelligent. Unlike how they think they’re woke, and self-aware.
Would you try cocaine to see if you would like it or not?
Me: That’s negative and harmful. How would you know you’ll look horrible in a bow tie because your friend looks horrible. That’s just narrow-minded thinking. And it has nothing to do with not being in an experimental phase of life. It’s one thing saying you dislike something for what it is. Or because it was this and that.
Him: I don’t think there’s a general conclusion to things like that, you might think you won’t like something and it turns out you like it or you try it and confirm you don’t like it. There is no way to know
Me: But just going on to say you disliked it because you think…or it feels like…or just an intuition that it… really?
Him: Lol intuition is mostly based on past information, so most times it’s accurate
Me: Typical to select the comfortable one to jump on. It’s just me. Not like I don’t think good of people like that. No. All my friends I’m sure, just like 90% of humans, maybe believe they wouldn’t like some movie because it has one actor they don’t like in it and so they never watch it…
Most movies I have to see or stuff to buy on Ali, I have to read the reviews. If 8/10 says it fuckery, that’s the end of the decision
Him: I’m saying, you don’t have to try something to know whether you’ll like it or not, you can know from other people’s experience or the representation of the thing.
Me: Of-course. Some things. Not all. Not even when the representation has chances of inauthenticity.
Him: It is like people who have never gone clubbing and say they know they won’t like clubbing, they don’t have to go. They basically already know what happens there without going there.
Me: Clubbing has a negative undertone. Just like parties. And some other stuff you don’t have to participate to know that it’s not in your character for it
Him: But there are times a movie will have a shitty rating and I’ll still watch it for whatever reason. Probably to see for myself. And there are some terribly rated movies that I found out that I like.
Me: But if you had limited time, and there was also a movie that you knew you would like, playing at the same time as the badly rated one, you wouldn’t think twice on which to go for.
Him: Context matters sometimes, imagine trying 3 new food samples and getting food poisoning each time, that’s enough to cause a bias against trying new food in the future
Me: I understand. People would rather eat the same meals for eternity. That’s consistency.
That’s some good quality to have. Have you watched The Croods? Animation?
Him: I haven’t
Me. From the movie, “Inquisition is bad. Curiosity is bad. Everything new is bad”.
The only way man survived the early years was because he kept the fear in him. His fear made him outlive dinosaurs and all. Because fear kept them safe against predators and bad climate. Lmao. Because they’ll keep being in hiding. And time would pass. And they’ll survive being eaten or killed
Him: Hahahaha is it a new movie?
Me: Very old. When I was in University. Maybe 2010 or so. Incredibly interesting.
Him: Never heard of it
Me: It’s not Disney. I think it’s only Disney animations that top charts
Him: I’ll try and check for it. Btw I have Mitchelle Obama’s new book
Me: She has a book?
Him: About her life before and during the first lady period
Me: Lol it’s autobiography season
Him: Lol it’s making money season
Me: This one is forever. I wish you read the Gabrielle Union’s first. So you can rate Michelle Obama’s on a scale of Gabrielle Union to Trevor Noah. That is a scale of Insightful to Insightful, yet funny.
Him: Yea. I loved that Trevor Noah’s. So You’ll take the book or nah.
Me: Sure. Send.