Someone recently asked me why I wasn’t attached to anyone. If not for the cautiously grave tone in his voice that made it seem like my relationship status was a morbid condition, it would have been a common inquiry that I could have given the regular broad answer to, because really, majority of single ladies have a plethora of reasons (and a paucity of inducements) why they’d rather stay relationship free; reasons ranging from core individual choices to feeble family choices.
Rather, I chose first to know why he asked, because for the first time, I was interested in someone else’s inferences regarding my relationship deprivation. We were fresh acquaintances and he had a girlfriend he treated like an egg. So I knew he wasn’t asking because he had designs on me and wanted to know if he could fill the relationship gap slot. Disappointingly, his reason for asking was the usual limited allusion to “ladies like you have boyfriends”.
Please explain. I don’t understand.
He couldn’t explain explicitly as he was trying to dodge offending me. After a couple of incomplete articulated sentences with rapid gesticulations, he decided to lay it on my court by pushing the words to me, “You should understand what I mean, c’m on”.
I didn’t. Sincerely. I mean, in what aspect was he particular about “girls like me”?
- Insecure ladies like me? – So we need some sort of protection by someone else always?
- Secure ladies like me? – So we contribute our quota to the society by always having another person to be accountable for?
- Dependent ladies like me? – So we couldn’t really get by on our own even if we have the means and resources?
- Independent ladies like me? – So we always need to have someone to shove in their faces what is meant by gender equality?
- Wild ladies like me? – So we should need someone to tame us?
- Skilled ladies like me? – So we need to have someone always to reform?
- Quiet ladies like me? – So we always need someone to relate with us, so we don’t get lost in the crowd?
- Loud ladies like me? – So we always have someone to talk to lest we die from choking words up in our stomach? …..
I could go on, but deep down in my stomach, I knew he spoke in terms of physical attributes.
But since I acted like I was confused about what he meant, he tried unsuccessfully to move forward. I wasn’t going to make it easy for him because I was really tired of people using that precise statement as regards being in a relationship.
It’s easy for you to have a boyfriend
Since life is really all about growing relationships and producing children? I begun to explain to him how it was a simple matter to get on a train with the next person that wishes to boogie down, but instead I’d want to minimize the frequency of relationship regrets in my life that I can control by mindfully filtering through the options. It’s only easy to have a boyfriend when this boyfriend’s reason to have me is singularly for appearance. That shouldn’t be the setting point of a relationship for me…
I was on a row until he said, “If he knew you were denying him like this, almost like you don’t appreciate your relationship. So unfair.”
Imagine. Why are people like this? Why is the knowledge of some ladies being single be something to raise eyebrows at?